BEGA District News readers may remember “John”, a victim of child
sexual abuse at the hands of the Marist Brothers who previously shared his
story.
In the continuing saga of Maurice Van Ryn, John has once more been in
touch to offer sympathy and support to victims and their families.
He has also shared his experience of finally receiving an apology from
the Church – 55 years after the abuse began.
“Everyone should have the courage to stand up for the child and speak
out against the paedophile,” John writes.
Read his story below
IT TOOK me 55 years to make the decision to deal with the sexual abuse that
happened to me.
The decision was made in 2009 and since then the road has been a rocky one -
but it has been the right one.
The legacy of the sexual abuse is complex and it is now understood the harm
caused by the abuser is deeply psychological
An injured adult has adult ways of dealing with a psychological injury
whereas the child adopts whatever strategies they can at this point in their
lives to cope, and these strategies can be carried on into adult life.
Too often the child strategies are ineffective.
They can be strategies that continue the legacy of shame, quilt, anger,
resentment, suspicion, and disillusionment.
If this happens to be the case then all manner of dysfunction in adult life
occurs.
My abuser, like so many, was a serial abuser who was able to “get away” with
his abusing for 40 years.
This man was from the clergy and what is now very clear is that he was
protected by the Church, when in fact it was children that the Church should
have been protecting.
The Royal Commission has been uncovering this fact for a number of years
now.
The fact is that for reasons of self interest, reputation and influence, the
Church has enabled paedophiles.
It was only in 2006, when I saw my abuser being sentenced to prison, that I
asked myself the question “how could this have been allowed to happen?”
Two crimes have been uncovered - one the abuse and the other the enabling.
I am left wondering which of these crimes is the worst.
The nature of child sexual abuse is that the perpetrator can manipulate
their victims, the parents of the victims, and the general community by
exercising their influence and position.
Paedophiles are extremely manipulative, cunning and good at covering their
tracks.
They need to be like this because they know that what they are doing is
wrong, some would say evil.
In the last seven years I have come to understand this and part of this
understanding has been coming to terms with societal and community attitudes
towards the crime of child sexual abuse.
Maurice Van Ryn was described by a judge as a model citizen except for his
offending.
How can that the term “model citizen” be used in the same sentence as “a
paedophile” (his offending)?
Surely it was the veneer of the “model citizen” that gave Van Ryn the status
and respect he used to betray children and commit his crimes.
For some of those not directly affected by child sexual abuse, there can be
an acknowledgement that what happened was wrong, but then on the other hand a
tendency to minimise the ugly nature of the crime.
I have come across this tendency here where we live.
This can only be the result of a lack of understanding and compassion.
The man who abused me was known as the “kiddie fiddler” by many people in
Canberra’s Church community.
How pathetic is this?
For the victim and their family the paedophile is not a “kiddie fiddler” but
a manipulative pervert doing harm and causing potentially long term
psychological damage.
Van Ryn is not a model citizen.
There should be no minimisation, no excuse making, and no tacit acceptance
from anyone when it comes to child sexual abuse.
There is no excuse and anyone who seeks to play down the nature of the crime
needs to examine their thinking and their own conscience.
Everyone should have the courage to stand up for the child and speak out against the paedophile.
My journey over the last seven years has been an important one, but it
started when I was 60 years of age.
When I look back there was a lot of wreckage in my past.
It is true that “hurt people hurt people”.
To those affected so deeply (victims and families) by the crimes of
Maurice Van Ryn, I would say deal with the injury as soon as possible, don’t
run and hide, don’t be afraid, and understand that as victims you have done
nothing wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed about.
It is important I believe to talk about what has happened with people who
have understanding and compassion.
Some psychologists have acquired the understanding and compassion that is
necessary in providing the right type of counselloring.
I have been fortunate enough to find such psychologists, first via the Royal
Commission, but also locally.
Importantly, my family has been supportive and so to have some of my friends
who I considered close enough to disclose very personal information to.
All this has been very challenging for me, and I am now an old man without
much to fear.
What I do have is a great deal of concern for the victims of Van Ryn who are
still young and vulnerable.
I want them to avoid my pitfalls, avoidance and denial.
Earlier this year I received an apology from the Church for the failure to
protect me from harm.
I went along to this apology session with some scepticism - some would say
healthy scepticism given all that has been recently revealed by the Royal
Commission.
I expected the apology session to go on for half an hour, but in fact it
took two hours and it has become an important part of my recovery, one that I
never expected.
The reason for this is that the apology was not just to me, but to my
parents who put their trust in the Church, to my wife and children because they
were directly affected by dysfunctional attempts to come to terms with the
abuse.
There was a truthful attempt to acknowledge the scope of the harm that is
caused by child sexual abuse and the absolute wrongness of trying to cover up
the crimes committed by members of the clergy.
I know that an apology from the perpetrator would not have helped me.
In fact I was offered such an apology (via a Church lawyer) when I appeared
at the Royal Commission and rejected it.
I think I did the right thing because I am not at all sure if a serial child
sex offender has the necessary insight into their behaviour or its affects to
offer a genuine apology.
I wonder if Maurice Van Ryn has any real appreciation of the harm he has
caused and how wide this net of harm actually is.
I hope so, but I don’t know so.
What I do know is that victims are in no way to blame, I know that the harm
runs deep and affects the whole family, and I know that there is very valuable
help available that can and should be tapped into.
I have taken whatever help I can get and I will continue to do so.
John has offered a compassionate and understanding ear to those trying to
come to terms with abuse.
He is willing to speak with people further about his own experiences or
child abuse in general, with confidentiality integral to any contact.
Send an email to BDN editor Ben Smyth on ben.smyth@fairfaxmedia.com.au or
call me on 6492 1177 and I can get you in touch with John. I also stake my
reputation as a journalist on keeping all details confidential.
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulty, help is available.
Please contact:
Beyond Blue at www.beyondblue.org.au
Lifeline on 13 11 14
or www.lifeline.org.au
Kids Helpline 1800 55
1800 or kidshelpline.com.au
Bravehearts 1800 272 831
or www.bravehearts.org.au
1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 or www.1800respect.org.au
Child Protection Hotline (NSW) 132 111
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